


momentary peace

by LexTheMoose



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Normal amount of Caleb angst, Sleeping Together, very little plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 01:18:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17971736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexTheMoose/pseuds/LexTheMoose
Summary: Caleb has insomnia and nightmares.Caduceus has tea, warm hugs, and soft lips.





	momentary peace

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic in this fandom, so I reaally hope I could capture their personalities. Somewhat.  
> Sometimes you just gotta get the sappy stuff out of your system. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it regardless, and please leave a comment, I love reading them!  
> You can find me on tumblr: kingspapercrown.tumblr.com

It became a routine of some kind, Caleb showing up at Caduceus' room in the ungodly hours of the night. Neither of them really knew how long it started, a lot is happening in their lives all the time. Though Caleb is sure he stored the exact date away in the back of his mind, few of the information he ever learned was completely lost. That night, he was especially restless, the pictures of the past kept floating in front of his eyes whenever he closed them, he smelled the burning of flesh and the crackling of fire and the screaming of his parents were nearly deafening in his ears.

No matter how what side he turned on, he even tried covering his ears and screwing his eyes shut, nothing seemed to help.

Nott has been curled up at his side, sometimes it was enough, to bring Caleb back from the past. Sometimes she stayed up with him, holding Caleb and petting his hair, because he was her boy, and she’d do anything to make him feel better. Lately, Caleb felt way too guilty about that, so he tried to suffer through his brain’s nightly shenanigans alone. He couldn’t keep her up, Nott needed all the sleep she could get. He thought about just staying up, petting Frumpkin, and reading all night, but he can't afford to be too sleep-deprived either.

He tried, for a while, thirty minutes, then an hour. Sleep never came and the memories only got worse. Seeing Trent's face again, his scars started faintly aching and that's all he could take. Before his thoughts could spiral down into a panic attack, he sat up, careful to not wake Nott. Frumpkin was curled up between them, purring softly. When Caleb climbed out of the bed, the cat opened his eyes, and looked up at him curiously, waiting for an order.

"I'll be back shortly, go back to sleep." he whispered, and ran his hand along the spine of his companion, he could feel the familiar magic thrumming under his fingers.

Frumpkin laid his head back on Nott's small hand and shortly fall back to sleep. Caleb wished it would be that easy for him too. He headed down to the communal area but halted to a stop when he reached Fjord's and Caduceus' room. The door has been left ajar, and the smell of flowery fresh tea hit his nose. It was a welcome change after the smell of burning flesh that seemed to get stuck in his nose from all those years ago.

Caleb automatically reached for the door, but he stopped himself. Maybe he shouldn't. He shouldn't bother the firbolg with his problems. Fjord could be there too, and Caleb really didn’t feel like dealing with more than one person at the moment. Or anyone at all, for that matter. Before he could turn on his heels and go down, Caduceus' voice came from the room, startling him out of his thoughts.

"Would you like to come in, Mr. Caleb?" it was a gentle offer, no malice in his voice, there was never malice in Caduceus' voice. Yet, Caleb still felt his heart hammering in his chest. "Run, run, run" started the low chant in his head, like it often did in battles. He could still just go away, and they'd never have to talk about this.  
Caduceus wouldn't even think it was really him, right? He would just think it was someone else, Caleb could–

Before he could stop himself, he was already pulling open the door. He saw Caduceus alone, sitting on the floor, back pressed against one of the beds. Fjord was not in the room, probably drinking downstairs. Caleb did not ask, he didn't say anything.  
Caduceus studied him, standing there, and he thought Caleb looked awfully lost.

"Can't sleep? I have tea if you would like some, perhaps. It always helps me."

Caleb took a shaky breath, then a moment later nodded, stiff. His whole being was impossibly stiff as he shuffled over to Caduceus, sitting in front of him, leaving them both with a big bubble of personal space. Caduceus smiled at him but got nothing in return. It didn’t discourage him though.  
After he fetched another cup for Caleb, he poured hot tea for both of them. Caleb grounded himself, breathing in the flowery steam, and carefully took a sip. The tea was too bitter, for his taste, but nice nonetheless.

"Would you like some honey? Or I could go down–" Caduceus wanted to offer to ask if they have some milk downstairs, but Caleb's quietly interrupted him.

" _Ja_ " his voice was raspy and _so tired_ , Caduceus almost frowned, concerned. Eventually, he just put some honey Jester gifted to him, into Caleb's cup. He kept the kind smile on his face, just like he often did with the grieving people he consulted at his home. He learned that some of them are not looking for sympathy, even if it's coming from a good place. His wizard friend didn't seem any different.

Caleb thanked him, pointedly avoiding eye contact. They were quiet, for long-long minutes. Caleb stared into his tea, taking small sips and Caduceus really felt like he should say something, but he didn't want to disturb the moment and risk Caleb running away. So they just sat there, until Caleb finished two cups of tea, in absolute silence.

However, Caduceus noticed how the stiffness slowly seeped away from his body with every sip, and he looked a tad more at peace than when he walked in. That was good. He gave Caleb a big, pleased smile, just as he looked up, and caught his gaze for a second. Just as quickly, Caleb tore away his eyes, standing up somewhat abruptly, feeling the heat climb up his neck and ears. It might not have been because of the tea.

"I think I took up enough of your time, I'm going to bed now and you should get some sleep too. Thank you for the tea, Mr. Clay." They both knew Caleb had meant something else too, not just the tea.

"Don't worry about it, I was awake anyway. And you can come anytime. I always have tea." Caduceus smiled at him again, not unkindly and Caleb hurried out of the room.

From then on, it became a tradition. Every other day, Caleb would just show up in his room, or Caduceus would deliberately sit downstairs if Fjord was in their room. They'd drink tea, without a word at first, then Caduceus filled up the silence with stories, of his home, anything that came to mind. Caleb listened, secretly grateful for the distraction.

One day, he'd sit next to Caduceus, instead of across the table and he'd start talking. Quiet and unsure, then just like he did usually when the rest of the Nein was present. Sometimes he'd bring Frumpkin, scarfed around his neck, or letting Caduceus pet and study him. He loved Frumpkin, musing about his soft fur and the patterns of it, and chuckling when Caleb made him blep, or dance on his hind legs.

Sometimes Caleb would help him with reading, pronouncing and explaining the more complicated words. He'd even joke around and bark out a laugh, which was a very rare sight, so Caduceus drank it all in, with delight. Trying to remember every aspect of Caleb's face when it was pulled into one of those genuine smiles, only for Caduceus to see.  
They always made his heart flutter and like beetles were buzzing around in his stomach. He hasn't felt anything like this in long seasons, so it took him by surprise. He had a lot to think about.

Caduceus started paying for his own room whenever they stopped in an inn, just so he and Caleb won’t have to sit down in the communal area. When the others wondered why he just said he liked to stay up late and meditate, and he needed the quiet.

There were times when Caleb was especially in a bad mood, on those nights he got quiet and closed off again, putting his shields back up again, the ones Caduceus carefully peeled away. After a cup or two, Caleb finally spoke, telling him he had a nightmare again, he hadn’t had those in a few weeks, not since their daily meetings. Usually, by the time Caleb got back into bed, he was exhausted and just passed out.

He didn't mention any details about the dream, and Caduceus knew not to ask. Caleb’s hands stopped shaking after a while, but he was still in a foul mood when he stood to leave. So Caduceus blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

“Why don’t you sleep here? You can take the bed, it’s a bit small for me anyway.” Caleb froze and stared at him warily. Caduceus tried to be as genuine as possible, he really didn’t want Caleb to back to his room and be up all night. Maybe he wouldn’t visit Caduceus again, seeing how talking didn’t do much anymore. He found himself quite anxious over the possibility, realizing he’d miss the time they spent together more than he thought he would.

“That is very nice of you, Mr. Clay, but I wouldn’t want to bother you, I’m perfectly fine.”  
On the contrary, Caleb’s hands were clutching at his worn coat, knuckles white.

“It wouldn’t be a bother at all, maybe the change of atmosphere would do some good.”  
It was a bullshit excuse, and he knew Caleb saw right through it, but no other reason came to his mind. Relief flooded Caduceus when Caleb shut his eyes and nodded, shifting over to the bed.

The floor was mighty uncomfortable, his pillow and cover gave very little comfort, but Caduceus didn't complain. He listened and he could tell Caleb wasn’t asleep either, breathing uneven and somewhat frantic in the dark room.

Caleb desperately wanted to summon Frumpkin there, already missing the loud purring resonating through his chest, and petting the cat’s fur to keep his hands busy until he eventually passed out. That might wake Nott, though, so it wasn’t an option.  
He wondered if Caduceus was asleep, a faint idea formed in his head, to ask him to climb next to Caleb. It would be a tight fit, but at least he wouldn't feel so damn anxious all night. It was discarded quickly with a mental scoff. As if he would ask anything like that out loud.

"Are you still awake?" Caduceus whispered when minutes passed by.

"Yes."

There was a pause and then Caduceus spoke again, carefully choosing his words.

"Would you mind sharing the bed? Maybe we both could sleep better. Only if you're comfortable with it, of course."

Caleb started to suspect that Caduceus is some sort of a mind reader, but that was another problem for another day. He didn't answer, and Caduceus was about to give up and keep trying to fall asleep, the uneven floor decks digging into his side, when a very faint " _Ja, okay_ " came from the direction bed. If his hearing wasn't so excellent, he probably would've missed it.

Without saying anything more, Caduceus stood and crawled into bed, while Caleb shuffled to the side, as far as he could, nearly falling off. Caduceus smiled at him in the dark, apologetic.

"I'm sorry, this is a tiny bed for the two of us," he muttered, as he found a comfortable position.

Caleb laid very still and was mindful of not touching Caduceus in any shape or form. It's a miracle he even fell asleep. Caduceus watched him a little bit after his breathing evened out, Caleb looked so much more peaceful than he did when he was awake. The permanent frown disappeared, smoothing out his features. He wondered when the last time Caleb shared a bed with anyone except Nott was. Caduceus suspected the answer would sadden him quite a bit. But then again, when was the last time _he_ shared a bed with anyone? A soft sigh escaped his lips, he missed his home and family quite a bit.

Caleb, to his surprise, had slept better than he had for months. It felt vaguely familiar when they shared a bed with Nott for the first time, but it was strangely different also. There was no point overthinking it, he supposed. (He would, later.) From then, when Caleb visited, he usually spent the night there, easing up to the presence of Caduceus next to him gradually more and more. It was a silent agreement between them.

On particularly bad nights, full of negative thoughts, and painful memories, Caleb scooted even closer, after Caduceus was fast asleep, and nestled against his side, seeking out warmth and comfort. He picked up the habit of stroking Caduceus' arm, only gentle touches to not wake him. His fur was coarser than Frumpkin's, but it felt just as therapeutic. And if Caduceus woke up and slipped his other arm under Caleb's waist, to pull him closer, none of them spoke a word about it.

Early in the morning, Caleb always slipped back into their shared room with Nott, to not alarm her with his absence. He did feel a tiny bit better after every night spent with Caduceus. It wasn’t a cure, it never would be and Caleb hadn’t expected it to be. He still felt miserable most of the time. Those nights were merely something to look forward to, one more reason to make him keep going, and there wasn’t a lot of those, so it was alright.

The problems came when they'd travel for a while, only stopping to camp on clearings. Most everyone would notice how tense Caleb became when they hadn't visited an inn in a while, but none of his friends really questioned it, he's been like that before. They thought he just had a bad week. Even if Jester or Beau would try talking to him, Caleb would shrug them off, assuring them that everything was alright. He wouldn’t even talk to Nott about it. Getting used to sleeping with Caduceus every other night mellowed him out a little, but all of that was gone as soon as they couldn't do that anymore. And Caleb hated himself because he missed it _so much._

So to compensate, he tried to avoid Caduceus as much as he could. Now that his brain was going all day and night, Caleb started overthinking his relationship with Caduceus, coming to the conclusion that they need to end this. It was quite intimate at that point, and it wasn't something Caleb deserved at all.   
Of course, Caduceus noticed being ignored, he always picks up on everything, and it’s not like Caleb tried to hide it too well, he was too frustrated and sleep-deprived.

Caduceus started sleeping closer to them than he did before. Nott was immediately suspicious, but he excused it by saying it was getting cold, and he's very big, and Caleb is pretty thin, so they could share body heat more easily.  
He didn't expect Caleb to protest and tell him blankly that they're going to be fine, but thank you Caduceus you're very nice. He felt a pang of disappointment but slept a few feet closer anyways. Just in case Caleb changes his mind. He had done that for days, persistently.

Until one night it happened. The others were already asleep, Caduceus being the only one awake, taking watch. It wasn’t necessary since Caleb came up with the protective dome, but Caduceus liked to listen to the sounds of nature. There was something peaceful in sleeping under the stars and feeling the grass on his palms and feet. Being so close to the Wildemother gave him hope that everything will be just fine. He heard Caleb toss, and turn, huffing, irritated with himself. Then he spoke, in a hushed tone. Caduceus needed a second to realize he was actually talking to him.

"You can come here if you would like." Thrilled, Caduceus did just that.

Next time they were in an inn, Caleb snuck into Caduceus' room again, who was waiting for him already. The tea was made of the Forestbrow family this time, and it was nice and minty. Caduceus hadn’t known them, but he imagined they were good people. Tea made from bad people was not great at all. They were both sitting on the bed this time, Caleb with his back to the bed frame, and Caduceus in front of him, knee brushing against Caleb's pulled up leg. They were practicing reading again, pressed close to each other, the book propped up between them.

Caleb by then was pretty comfortable with being this close to Caduceus, but still got a bit flushed when their hands would brush, or by Caduceus' soft voice would be too close to his ear. They were doing good progress though, and when Caduceus pronounced a particularly hard word with no help at all, Caleb beamed up at him, feeling proud.

Their eyes met for a moment and Caleb forcibly tore away his gaze, jerked back to reality, suddenly self-conscious. He's been red as a beet, he was sure of it. Caduceus' hand sneaked up to his shoulder, then the back of his neck, without warning. Caleb shivered, and looked up again, though only at Caduceus’ lips and chin, wondering what the pastel pink beard feels like against his skin. Or if the fuzz on his nose is the same softness as Frumpkin’s.

The sheer want, to just stretch his neck a little and close the distance between them took over him, punching the air out of his lungs. It was so sudden, he almost gave in, but Caleb was still a big coward. The fear of breaking whatever this was between them numbed him. Thoughts going miles per second, they managed to convince him out of doing anything at all. _It's a bad idea, you will regret it, he's too good for you, too caring, youdon'tdeservethis._

Before Caleb could do something stupid, like stand up, and sprint out of the room, Caduceus's lips brushed over his and his mind abruptly turned off. It wasn't long, Caduceus pulled back just far enough to look at him, after a few seconds of Caleb being completely unresponsive.

"I'm sorry, I may have read the situation wrong." He sounded hesitant, still searching Caleb's face for any sort of reaction, good or bad, but he had nothing to work with.

Finally, Caleb inhaled and slowly closed the book between them, same blank look on his face. He placed it on the table next to their neglected cups because books are sacred, and he wouldn’t let it get squashed between them. He's ridiculous.  
And Caleb's been traveling with these weird-ass people for long enough, so he supposed he can be a little brave sometimes. So he proceeded to tug on Caduceus' shirt and press their lips together more firmly this time. They both only had their undershirt on, Caduceus's armor precisely folded next to Caleb's coat at the feet of the bed. Caleb still had his books strapped to his chest, it made him feel safe, acting as the last of his invisible shields between them.

Caduceus let out a puff of air he didn't realize he was holding, and couldn't help grinning into the kiss, as Caleb pulled him even closer, one hand on his cheek already. The bugs were buzzing in his stomach again, and he had to grip the bed frame with his free hand as the feeling of Caleb's tongue running along his lower lip suddenly made him a bit dizzy. _Wow._

He was rather overwhelmed, but curiously mimicked Caleb and the way his breath hitched when their tongues met was _delightful_. Caleb's already pretty long beard felt unfamiliar against his jaw, a little scratchy, but it felt good. Caleb's hand was busy exploring the soft fuzz on his cheek and then brushing past one of his ears that twitched under his fingertips, while Caduceus experimentally but gently, tugged on a fistful of his hair. Caught off guard, Caleb groaned into the kiss, it felt like his whole body was on fire and for once it wasn’t freaking him out, in a bad way.

After long minutes, they had to pull away for air, both of them heaving, Caduceus stared back at him, and Caleb was expecting everything but the wonder and excitement on his face. His ears were just as flushed as Caleb's whole head has been probably, and now he was the one touching his cheek, lightly. Caleb couldn't help the crooked grin that overtook his expression, for once feeling content and his brain was blissfully quiet. He couldn't help touching his mouth like he was trying to make sure all of this was real.

"That was... Really nice." Caduceus hummed, expression melting into a pleased grin.

Caleb nodded, sheepishly. "Indeed."

Neither of them really knew what to say after that, and the quiet would soon become awkward if Caduceus hadn't leaned in, and they started all over again. Soon, he pressed Caleb even more into the bed frame, peppering his face with kisses, and going down his jaw and neck to bury his face in there, inhaling deeply.

He let out a happy sigh, breath tickling Caleb's skin, making him shudder once more. Caleb smelled mostly earthy, and like the outdoors, and maybe a bit smoky. For Caduceus, he kind of smelled like _home._ He started pressing kisses on Caleb's neck too, experimentally, enjoying the quiet, rumbly moan he got when using his tongue again.

They had an awful lot that needed to be talked about, eventually. Maybe days, or even weeks later.

At the moment though, words were overrated.


End file.
